I'm a father of a few, and I have made more than my fair share of mistakes while trying to raise them. But I also learned quite a bit. Along the way, I've noticed some patterns - quirks - familiar sintiments. If you're raising kids, this might be helpful to hear.
One of the strangest patterns is when they just up and decide they don’t like something anymore. One day it’s peanut butter sandwiches and smiles, the next day it’s crossed arms and gagging noises. Same thing with reading, math, disc golf, whatever. Doesn’t matter. They just slam the door on it.
When I call them out on it, I usually get the same line. “I don’t know.” And of course they don’t. At that age their self-awareness is about as developed as their handwriting. But I bring it up anyway. Because I’m not trying to win an argument. I’m planting a seed. I want them to notice that they made a decision. Maybe not with a boardroom vote and a contract, but somewhere in their little brain they decided to stop liking that thing. And if they can decide to stop, maybe one day they’ll realize they can decide to start again.
The Brain Is Trickier Than We Think
This isn’t just a dad theory. Psychologists have been poking at this stuff for decades.
Back in the 60s, Robert Zajonc came up with what’s called the “mere exposure effect.” He showed people nonsense words, fake shapes, even random faces. The more often people saw them, the more they liked them. That’s why songs on the radio sound dumb the first time and then somehow “catchy” the tenth. The brain is a sucker for the familiar.
Then there’s something called “evaluative conditioning.” That’s a fancy way of saying if you link a good thing with a bad moment, the whole thing sours. If a kid eats peanut butter and gets teased, suddenly peanut butter tastes like shame. Not logic, just wiring.
And here’s where it gets mean. “Cognitive dissonance” says that if you keep telling yourself “I don’t like this,” your brain eventually goes all in. It rewires to make the dislike real. The longer you stick to the story, the truer it feels.
The silver lining is plasticity. The brain can rewire again. That’s what happened to me.
My Heavy Metal Story
I grew up in a house where music meant seventies folk, Christian hymns, and classical records. That’s it. So when I first heard heavy metal as a teenager, it was just noise. Like a blender full of rocks. Nothing about it made sense to me.
But then I had this one moment where I thought, “Wait a second. Those are still notes. They’re just arranged differently.” That single thought was enough to flip the switch. From that moment on I could actually listen. And not just tolerate it. Enjoy it.
That little reframe blew the doors open for me. Now I can appreciate just about any genre under the sun. Jazz, hip hop, country, opera, EDM. Doesn’t matter. Because once you stop labeling something as bad and start labeling it as different, your brain gets the chance to catch up.
Kids Do The Reverse Trick
Here’s the funny thing. Kids often do the exact opposite. They take something good and slap a “bad” label on it. And once they do, their brain marches in and locks the gate. Sometimes it sticks for years. Sometimes it fades and they circle back.
That ability can be dangerous or it can be gold. If my kid decides soda is gross, or video games aren’t worth wasting a Saturday on, that’s a win. That’s them building discipline. But if they decide math is dumb or books are boring, that’s not discipline. That’s them cutting off their own future.
A Simple Two Question Test
This is the way I frame it for them. Two questions.
1. Is this dislike protecting me
2. Or is this dislike limiting me
If it’s protecting you, keep it. If it’s limiting you, challenge it.
How I Bring It Up
I don’t preach at them. I just point it out and let it hang in the air.
When they’re little, I make it light. “Guess your taste buds went on vacation from peanut butter. Think they’ll come back?”
When they’re a little older I ask, “Do you remember when you stopped liking reading? Was it one bad day or something else?”
When they’re teenagers I don’t sugarcoat it. “You decided you don’t like math. That’s fine. But ask yourself this. Is that choice helping you or screwing you over?”
And when they swing back, I jump on it. “Hey, look at that. Peanut butter is back on the team. See how your brain can change its mind?” Or “Remember when you swore you weren’t a math person? Looks like you were wrong.”
The Point
The whole game here is helping them see that likes and dislikes aren’t set in stone. They’re decisions. And decisions can be changed.
Some rejections are worth making permanent. Like saying no to drugs, bad friends, or habits that waste your life. Others need to be revisited, because they’re just fear or laziness wearing a different mask.
If my kids walk into adulthood with that kind of awareness, then I’ve done my job. They won’t be ruled by gut reactions. They’ll know they have a say in what they like, what they hate, and what they choose to give a second chance.
That’s the kind of wisdom most people don’t learn until they’ve paid a heavy price. I’d rather my kids pick it up in the kitchen over peanut butter sandwiches.
